About Me

My photo
I am a 29 year old teacher of fourth grade. My husband and I began TTC in March of 2008. We conceived our first month, but unfortunately it only ended in an early miscarriage. 8 months later we finally conceived again, and she was our take-home baby! Norah Jane was born on July 16, 2009. 7lbs 0oz 19" long and amazing. We recently had our sweet baby boy, Miles! He was born on June 12, 2013 at 3:37pm, weighing in at 8lbs 4oz, 20 inches long, and PERFECT! We are loving every minute of parenthood (even the frustrating minutes!). This blog is an attempt to chronicle the baby steps, foot steps, leaps, bounds, and milestones of this journey.

Monday, June 16, 2014

He walked!

Miles took his very first steps tonight at around 6:30pm! He did it accidentally at first.  He was mad that I wouldn't give him the pieces of the Guess Who game that Norah and I were playing, so he took two steps towards me out of frustration. :) then I put him down and used the toy as bait,  and he took 4 really great steps!  I'm so peps of him!

Physically I think he's been ready for a few weeks now,  but he didn't have the confidence yet.  But now he's done it,  and things are going to get nuts,  i'm sure!

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

My heart hurts.  I was reminded today that these are my last baby days.  The last firsts ate happening every day,  and they are happening so quickly.

I'll never experience holding my newborn again.
I'll never experience my baby learning to sit up again.
I'll never see that first smile again.
I'll never hear that first laugh again.
I'll never get the first bath experience again.

These firsts are happening at an alarming rate.  Miles is my last baby.  He will be one tomorrow.  My last first birthday.  :(

I read this blog today about dealing with the last firsts.  It offered great insight. I will definitely be sad about these firsts going away,  but the post encouraged me to look forward to the new season that is quickly approaching.  I am excited about it.  I am looking forward to Miles and Norah's relationship growing. I am looking forward to seeing them both grow into (hopefully) God-honoring people... helping others and putting others first.  I am looking forward to so many firsts that we have still to come.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014


I'm terribly sick right now. Of course I got sick the first week after school got out. In fact, it was actually the first day of summer break that I got sick. I've got a crazy sore throat. Norah and I are supposed to have a special mama/Norah day tomorrow. I really don't want to be sick.

miles is cutting a tooth right now. He gets so fussy and restless when he's got a cutetooth coming through. In fact I just had to go in there to his room and give him his bink again. poor baby. Its crazy about this post, I have written the entire thing, with the exception of a few corrections,without typing anything. I am using speak text. It is unbelievable what technology can do. I am so curious to see where it goes in the next few years. Just for the sake of chronicling it, I want to put on record that I think Google glass is one of the most terrifying pieces of technology out there. I can only imagine how many people will misuse the device. It will cause so much arms if people use it well they're driving or doing some other activity that requires their full attention.

2 Year House-Aversary!

Two years ago today, we closed on our first house! Back in April two years ago, I wrote This post. I was so nervous. I am still nervous from how that whole thing went down. We ended up having our closing pushed back from May 4th to June 4th. The loan company we used told us a lie about a piece of paperwork that would be acceptable, so that we'd sign with them. Well, when it came down to it, that piece of paperwork was NOT acceptable, and we had to wait another month to get the one we really needed. It was a very frustrating experience. To the point where I called their higher-ups and learned that our broker was a very newbie who needed more training. Wow.

But anyway, it doesn't matter now. We have owned the house for 2 years now, and I love it. I love it so much.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Last Day of School.

Today is the last day of work for me for another 2 months. I go back around the last day of July, kids start back August 6th. I am excited for a break-- I need a break. I am excited about spending two months with Miles and Norah as well, especially the summer before Norah starts Kindergarten.

Speaking of Norah:
-Norah can read anything and everything.
-She sings her heart out when we're not looking, especially to songs from Frozen. She stomps her foot and raises her hands in the air like she's building the ice palace. It's hilarious and adorable. Oh, and do NOT call it an ice CASTLE... It's an ice PALACE according to her.
-She loves to eat. On a regular basis we have to tell her that we are not having another snack, or "we just ate!" She loves snacking... just like me. :)
-She still loves her brother. I'm sure the novelty will wear off when he starts being able to talk, walk, and run, but she still treats him like he hung the moon. She loves him. She tries to make him laugh everyday, she brings him toys, plays with him all of the time, sings him songs, etc. She's such an incredible big sister. I love her so, so, so much.
-Since she is starting Kindergarten in the fall, we are going to go on a special Mama-Norah day on Thursday of this week. I am so excited about it, and so is she. She's been planning it for days, and I've written her notes reminding her of it and hiding it in her blankets that she takes to school. I love that I can write her a note and that she can read it all. :)

Miles is now 11 1/2 months old! He will be 1 in 9 days... I can't believe how fast the time has gone. It's crazy to think of how BIG I was at this time last year.
-He took ONE step yesterday (twice!). He is standing on his own at times, but he certainly isn't walking. He will right after his first birthday, I think. I'm still in no rush for it. He'll do it, and until then, I'll just watch his cute little chubby self crawl across the floor.
-Speaking of chubby self, I would estimate that he is just over 23lbs. I will know for sure on the 13th, but he is a hefty little sack of potatoes!
-He loves to eat! When we first started feeding him solids, he had the WORST gag reflex. He threw up if anything was more textured than yogurt. It was awful. Now, though, he eats everything he can get his hands on. His favorites are pasta, mandarin oranges, yogurt, beans, corn, and sweets. He really will eat just about everything.
-He is very close to talking. He doesn't say any real words yet (besides mama and daddy), which is so opposite from Norah, but he thinks he's saying "dog" and "ball" on the regular.
-He waves only when he wants to. You can't make this child do anything.
-He LOVES to clap! Clapping is his favorite, and he'll do it all day long.
-Some of his favorite toys are:
-Balls! He LOVES balls. He picks them up, raises them over his head, and throws them as far as he can. Then he chases after them and does it all over again.
-anything that makes noise. Daniel and I seem to think that he will be musical. He can do a beat with a tambourine or a drum with no problem. He loves to play with Daniel's guitar. He is mesmerized by people playing musical instruments. It's wonderful.

That's all for now. I'm super busy planning Miles' 1st birthday party, which is in 11 short days!

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

I have reasons for not blogging.

Sheesh-- February was not my month to update. I do have an excuse though--two of them, actually. Both of my grandmas died within four days of each other. :(

It was so sad. My grandma that lives in Augusta, GA was doing fine, just had a few issues from her COPD (she had not picked up a cigarette in 28 years!That shows you the long-term effects of smoking). Well, all of the sudden, I got a phone call at my school that said, "Gram is dying. She won't make it through the night. You need to come now." So, I got both of the kids, left Daniel in Nashville since he had work stuff he had to tend to, and my sister and I drove down to the Augusta hospital as fast as we could-- should have taken us 6 hours. We had a few setbacks. First, Miles had some kind of nasty little cold, and he ended up throwing up so hard over and over and over in his carseat from all of the mucous. Of course it was right after he had a bottle, and of course it was while we were driving on the interstate. Ugh. It was such a disgusting mess. We pulled over on the side of the road because there were NO exits for at least another 7 miles. I got him cleaned up and changed, and I got his carseat cleaned up as best I could for the moment. It ended up needing to go through the wash twice before the smell was out. Later on, we stopped to get coffee, and then my sister accidentally got on the wrong interstate, which caused us to go 20 miles in the wrong direction. Ugh. Then, about an hour from our destination, Norah said that she had to poop, so we had to stop for that too. So six hours ended up taking 8.

Around the 10:30 mark, we got the call. We were 26 minutes away from the hospital-- 26 minutes too late. Gram was gone. :(

I was in a bit of shock and disbelief. I was so sad, and so mad that we were so close to saying goodbye, and that we missed it. We ended up dropping the kids off at the hotel with my sister and her husband, and we drove to the hospital anyway to have some closure since there wouldn't be a funeral (she requested that there not be one). No one told us though, that she'd still be laying there, in the bed, dead.

It too me aback and I broke down. Ugly cry breaking down. I wanted so badly to say goodbye to her. I have some incredible memories of her, and with her. :(

So then we stayed overnight in Augusta and since we were only 2 hours from my parent's house in South Carolina, we decided to drive over there for the weekend instead of going right back up to Nashville. I had 4 days of bereavement leave, so I figured I should take some time off to process all of this. We hung out with my parents for a few days. They had been in Massachusettes visiting my very ill grandmother (Grammy) for the past week. She was 91, and was on her last leg. We knew it wouldn't be long for her, but the doctors said that she could have a week, or she could have 3 months-- it was up in the air. After staying with my family for a few days, Jamie and I got all packed up to head back to Nashville on Tuesday morning. When I woke up and went downstairs, my dad was still there. I said, "Daddy, why aren't you at work?" As soon as I asked the question, I knew what he was going to say. "Grammy died this morning. I just got the phone call." :( It was a punch in the gut. My dad was closer to his mother than I had ever seen anyone be. He not only loved her, he took care of her, from hundreds of miles away. He adored her, and she adored him. I gave my dad a huge hug. It was all so sad.

Now, at that moment, I was grandparentless. My grandfather on my dad's side died when I was 3 months old, and my grandfather (Pop) on my mom's side died 5 years ago.

So, I called work, got everything straightened out. The kids and I would be staying in SC, fly to Boston on Wednesday to avoid the horrible winter storm coming through, while Jamie went back to Nashville and worked a few more days, then she would fly from Nashville to Boston. Then, after the funeral, Jamie, me, and the kids would fly from Boston back to Nashville. Whew. It was a whirlwind.

I don't really want to go into the whole trip itself. Nothing too exciting, honestly. I did get us upgraded to the biggest suite in the whole hotel at one point, but other than that, it was all just sad. I did speak at the funeral about how Grammy's legacy was going to keep going and going and going, and that's how she always wanted it. There are 26 people between her kids, grandkids, and great grandkids. She would always say, "That was me! It's all because of me! I did this!" Yes you did, Grammy. You did this, and I could not thank you enough for it.

The trip home was worrisome because of the cancellations and delays because of the insane amount of blizzards and storms throughout the Northeast. It took my parents two extra days to get home because of how often their planes were cancelled. We were all exhausted by the time we got home (although Miles and Norah did AMAZINGLY on the plane rides-- holy crap, I couldn't have asked for better babies on ALL of the flights). I had to work the next morning-- I also had to give a presentation to a whole bunch of teachers for an hour. It was good to get my mind off of everything that had just happened.

Two grandmothers in four days. :( I miss them, and I wish I could pick up the phone and hear their voices once more.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Miles at 7 1/2 Months! And, Norah can read!

Since I'm no good at doing the monthly updates on my babies, I figure I'll just do them here and there and be proud that I can even remember to do that! So, here's a bit about Miles at 7 1/2 months.

  • Miles just said "dada" for the first time yesterday. Now, obviously this is not meant in context, but of course Daniel thinks it is! NOT his first word!! He's been saying "babababababa" for a while now, but this was the first time he said something different. 
  • He's beginning to get on all fours and rock. That means crawling is in our near future. Sigh... that's not my favorite phase, but I do still enjoy seeing them be able to get to where they want to go finally. Miles is SO active-- he always wants to move and go, but he can't quite figure it out yet. I have a feeling that once he gets going, he's going to be gone! 
  • Miles is just starting to pull up on things. I can't believe how quickly all of this is going. Norah didn't pull up until 9 months, and now Miles is about to conquer it. We've got to drop his mattress!
  • He LOVES his sister still, and Norah absolutely adores him. They giggle together, play together, and Norah could not possibly be a bigger help to me than she is. She amazes me every day-- I love her so much.
  • He's doing well with the formula transition. I can't believe it's been a month since I quit. It was a VERY difficult two-three weeks physically and emotionally, but in the end, I'm glad I did it. I'm a much happier person now that I'm not in constant pain. The cost isn't terrible either. It costs us about $25 every week and a half for formula (thanks Target brand!). We still get the sensitive kind, and Miles seems to be tolerating it just fine! 
  • He loves making noise. Anything he can hit against something is perfect for him! 
  • He still loves his jumperoo-- he will only tolerate it for about 7 minutes, tops, but still, he loves it. 
  • Sleep-wise still sucks. Up until two days ago, he was still waking up 7-10 times a night. Never to eat, just to see us and get his bink. A few times he would be up for an hour straight in the middle of the night. It was miserable, but we've been through that several times since he's been born. Right now he wakes 1-2 times a night. As I said in my last post, I know I need to sleep train, but I really just can't yet. I will soon, though. He does take one bigger nap (1.5 hours usually) and one smaller nap (~45 min) during the day. 
  • He's heavy! He's 21lbs at least. I have myself a BIG boy!
  • He eats 6oz of formula every 3 hours or so during the daytime. We've got it right at about 28-30oz a day. 
  • He's amazing. His laughs and smiles melt my heart. He's still a cuddle bug, but also wants to get away now that he knows it's possible to stand up on things. 
  • He LOVES being "tossed" up in the air by Daniel. I'm talking an inch to 2 inches at most. He squeals with delight when Daniel does it. 

So that's about all I can think about to write right now about him. I did want to mention something about Norah though. First off, she's still as beautiful and wonderful as can be, but also, SHE CAN READ!! She is JUST 4 1/2 years old, and of course, not in Kindergarten yet. She's been really, truly reading for about 3-4 weeks now, and each time it gets better and better. I'm not talking about just reading words that she memorized, I mean real reading! Of course she still struggles with words, but she's getting better every day. She read me an entire book last night, just missing the word, "Bethlehem". I'm so proud of her! Today she read "Play here. Play the lottery here today!" at Publix. Lol. She's wonderful. I love her so much. 

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

I know I need to sleep train, but ugh...

I suppose the title says it all. I know I need to sleep train Miles, but ugh... I don't want to hear that boy cry. He's so little, and I know he needs it, and that seems to be the only thing that's going to get me through this. He NEEDS it. He needs to sleep just as much as I do. Ugh. I don't know when I'm going to do it, but I know that I need to sooner rather than later. With Norah, we did it after she turned 9 months old, and that was tough. Miles is 7.5 months, so I don't know if it is going to be more difficult, or easier. He's waking 3-8 times a night now. It's awful. Last night was one of the 8 times. It was awful.

Hopefully I'll get the courage soon.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Ear tube surgery. Same day, three years later.

Miles has had 6 double ear infections in his short little seven months of life. 6! That's insane! He has been on three different types of antibiotics, and one of the first infections was so bad, that he had a fever for WEEKS. At his six month appointment, when his amazing doctor looked in his ear as a part of her regular check-up, I knew what was coming. I knew it the instant she went, ::sigh::. She said, "We just need to go ahead and get tubes." I knew it. Ugh.

Norah had tubes when she was 18 months old. I wrote about it in THIS post. We've been through this before, so no big deal, right? Again, Ugh.

We scheduled an appointment for the ENT on Christmas Eve. Our ENT, the same one that we used for Norah, is so nice, very professional, and has great office hours. I swear I think he is only closed on Christmas Day, and that's it. We went in on Christmas Eve, and he looked at Miles' ears. When he looked at them (just days after he finished another course of antibiotics), he had another ear infection. Insane. He said that his ears were just formed in a way that the fluid sits behind the eardrum. He agreed that we needed tubes. He was trying to convince me to get them, and I finally had to say, "I WANT them as soon as we can. I hate using antibiotics so much, and I hate seeing Miles in so much pain."

So we set the date. January 20th, 2014-- MLKjr day. Three years to the day from when Norah's was done. How crazy is that? Three years ago on MLKjr day we were in the hospital getting hers done, and now we got his on the same day. Again, the hours of this ENT are awesome. I didn't even have to take a day off of work for the surgery. Awesome!

Oh! Something that did happen while we were at the ENT that was crazy-- he was talking about the tubes. I reminded him that Norah had them. He said, "Yeah, they'll fall out on their own in a year or so." I said, "It's crazy, but Norah still has one of hers! She's had it for three years! And it still works. She had two ear infections lately, and they were draining it. Nasty red stuff.." His eyes got all wide and he said, "It was red? She still has it? Hmm... we need to take a look at her when you come back." I told him that Norah was out in the waiting room with Daniel. He agreed to take a look. Turns out he couldn't see it because of how much mucous and pus was in her ear. So, he ended up getting her ear all sucked out with this fancy vacuum thing. Once he was able to do that, he saw the tube, and he said, "Oh my. I'm going to be honest. That needs to come out." He went on to say how inflamed it was, and how if we didn't get it out soon, it might burst her eardrum. Gah! So we agreed to have him take it out. It took two seconds, and it was out. Norah did SO well during it. My big girl!

Ok, so back to the story. So, I was doing all kinds of fine about Miles' surgery all the way up to the night before. We had our friends Melissa, Will, Shane, and Jamie and Crystal over for dinner that night. Once they left, I realized, oh crap, in 7 hours we have to be at the hospital. I was still kind of fine though. Then I tried to sleep-- then I couldn't. 2am came around and I finally fell asleep. We had to be at the hospital at 6 am, and it is 30 minutes away. Sigh.

Miles couldn't eat after midnight, so I made sure that I woke him up at 11:30pm and fed him. I'm glad I did. Oh, and during the day on Sunday, Miles took an insanely long 3 hour nap. I knew that wasn't good. He's an 1 1/2 hour napper at MOST. When he woke up, sure enough, 101.6 fever. Ugh... I really thought they weren't going to do the surgery. We had to be there at 6am regardless though.

So, we get him and Norah ready and out of the door on time, we get to the hospital, and we are the first and only patient there, which was AWESOME. If we had had the 7am appointment, it would have been a different story. LOTS of people were there after I he was taken back.

Here's my sweet boy and I waiting to be called back. He's so cute.

They had us get him into an ADORABLE tiger hospital gown. I almost died from cuteness overload. They took his vitals, and told us that the anesthesiologist would come by and talk to us soon.

Here's sweet boy being really serious about his socks while his vitals were being taken.

After we were talked to by everyone, there was a LOT of waiting....

Side note: My husband is so handsome. :)

...lots of waiting...and cuteness. :)

... LOTS and LOTS of waiting... he was so tired and hungry, poor thing. 

So tired. He really did as well as we could have hoped. He was so good in spite of the circumstances.

When Miles started to get fussy, Daniel got the genius idea to take him by this window. He banged on that window and the birds, cars, and people for 20 minutes. It was SUCH a big help.

We had to take Norah with us because of how early the surgery was. I can't even begin to explain how good she was during the whole time. She was amazing. I love this little precious thing so much.

I love, love, love her. :) 

So then, the nurse finally came to get him. I was really ok until this point. I handed him to her, kissed his little face, and they whisked him away. I told Norah to give me her hand so we could head to the waiting room. She did, we started walking, and then I lost it. :( I couldn't stop crying. I was crying for the next ten minutes in the waiting room, too. I guess going through it once before doesn't prepare you for your next tiny.

Daniel made me laugh, which always helps, and I calmed down a bit. It took longer than Norah's surgery. I started thinking that something was wrong, but finally we were called. The surgeon said that he did wonderfully, and that once they got in there, he saw a huge infection, lots of pus and grossness. They had to get that all out, then place the tube-- that explains the 101.6 temp. He said Miles was perfect though.

So we were ushered back to the room, and waited for Miles to be delivered to us. They brought him like 2 minutes later. I grabbed him up and held him so tight. He was crying, but not screaming. But then, all of the sudden, he started arching his back and acting super uncomfortable. I felt awful for him. He didn't want his bottle. He was just arching over and over like he was coming out of his skin. I finally handed him to Daniel while I talked to the nurse. He got Miles to calm down after a few minutes. Miles then fell asleep 10 minutes later, and didn't wake up for three hours. :) He was amazing.

When he woke up, he was smiling and ready to play!

Later that day, we took Norah and Miles to the park since it was 55 degrees in January. The very next day, today, it is 12 degrees-- so there's no consistency. :)

I'm so proud of my itty bitty boy. Hopefully he won't have anymore ear infections!!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

I won!

I won!! I am Teacher of the Year for my school!! I cannot believe it! When this possibility started on Monday, it was a pipe dream that I could ever even be in the top three, let alone WIN. Oh my goodness!! After everything was widdled down to the nominated seven, then top three, the teachers had to each vote on who they wanted to represent them. There are at least 60 teachers in my school, which makes things even more crazy. So, the vote was taken up on Thursday morning at 9am, then the votes were counted after school. I assumed I wouldn't know until the next day.

Well, as I was leaving school on Thursday, I stopped by the office to put something in the librarian's mailbox. When I walked in, my principal was sitting in the office, but when she saw me, she walked away back towards her office. I thought nothing of it. Well, as I was about to leave, she came back out of her office and said, "Mrs. B....." I said, "Yes?" She said with wide-eyes and a huge smile, "Congratulations! You're Teacher of the Year!"

I almost came out of my skin. I could not believe it. I was so shocked, and so happy!! Apparently she had gone back to her office when she saw me because she had not seen the vote tally yet (administration has nothing to do with the voting or counting process). I was so happy that I don't think I stopped smiling for two hours.

I called my mom first--- she didn't answer. Then I called my dad. You could hear the pride in his voice. :) It made me even happier. I tried to wait to tell my husband in person, but I couldn't wait. I called him and told him. He was SO happy, and SO proud of me. :)

So, now I get to fill out a lot of paperwork and go to a big banquet dinner in March or April to be honored. :) I'm loving this!

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Today I feel appreciated.

I wanted to document this before tomorrow, because I want to get it all down before the outcome is announced. Yesterday my school faculty and staff had to vote for teacher of the year. Normally, each person gets to choose three from the whole faculty, and then the top three get voted on in a separate ballot. Well, this year they changed it. This year, each team had to come up with one person to nominate. For example, my fourth grade team nominated Debra, who is on our team, because she is amazing. Each other team in the school did the same.

Since there are seven teams in the school, there were seven names on the short list at our faculty meeting. So, from those seven names, everyone got to choose their three. From there, everyone would vote from the top three chosen to get one teacher of the year.

Since my team voted for Debra, imagine my shock and surprise when I saw MY NAME on the short list of seven at the faculty meeting yesterday! I was shocked! That means that another team, not the people who are super close with me on my team, nominated me! I was so so surprised, and very humbled. :)

Today, my principal came into my classroom and informed me that I was chosen as one of the top three. WHAT?! I was stunned. I had never even imagined that I would be on the short list, let alone in the top three! Later I found out from one of the counters, that I had the most votes. 31 out of about 55 voted for me out of the seven. I felt so appreciated and valued. I had no idea other people in the school respected me. :)

So from here we will see... I honestly do NOT expect to win. The two people I'm running against have more experience than me, and they are incredible. I feel honored to have made it this far-- truly. Tomorrow we will vote from the three, and then there will be a teacher of the year named. I don't know if we will know tomorrow or Friday-- either way, I'll be on pins and needles.

Until then...

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Breast feeding stoppage Update #4

Well, it's 12 days in to me officially stopping with breast feeding cold turkey. I am so excited to say that my boobs are now back to their regular size (although they are a but saggier than before--but that's to be expected with having two babies and breast feeding them both). It is so nice to wear my pre-breastfeeding bras! It doesn't hurt anymore when something touches my boobs, or even my nipples--like towels! Towels always hurt, but not anymore!

I can still very easily express milk from my breasts. Yesterday I could feel a mini-clog in there, so I had to express to get it out. I know it will be a long, long time before I'm dried up. With Norah, I could still express some three years after I stopped breastfeeding!

So that's the update-- no mastitis like I feared, no more sore and painful breasts, I can hold miles and even lay on my stomach again! I'm really glad that this went well. I feared so much that it was going to be way harder than this. I will say, it was definitely not easy! It was horrible in the beginning! But after the first week, it was tolerable.

That's all for now.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Breastfeeding end cold turkey update #3

I want to keep a record of how this is going so that I can look back and remember all of it later. Today is the 7th day since I stopped breastfeeding. I am still in a lot of pain, especially when something touches (or Miles KICKS) my breasts, but there is good news. I am not nearly as engorged and swollen as I was a few days ago. Yesterday I noticed that one of my boobs (the right one) was significantly softer than the day before. That gave me some hope because before that, I hadn't really noticed any change.

What is worrying me though, is that my left boob, which has always been my least producing breast, is still solid on the side, and hurts like crazy when I touch it. I'm still in fear of mastitis, but hopefully it won't come to that.

Each day since the beginning, I've been taking Sudafed to help dry me up. The last few days, I've been hand-expressing just a tiny bit to relieve some pressure. The left boob will express, but that massive lump won't go down. I'm going to try some heat and work on it again later. I had the same problem with Righty the other day, but then I spent about 20 minutes massaging it in the shower. Maybe that's what helped.

So, at least I've got a little relief. Miles is still tolerating the formula, although he does have a bit more gas because of it. Hopefully this time next week I will say that I have no pain at all. We'll see!

Monday, January 6, 2014

Stopping breast feeding cold turkey is the worst.




Those are the only three things I've really been feeling for the last week. As I stated in my last post, I had to stop breastfeeding WAY before I, or Miles, was ready because of a horrible case of Thrush. I tried so so so hard to not let thrush be the reason that I had to quit-- it was the reason I had to stop with Norah, and I wanted so badly for ME to be able to DECIDE when I was going to stop breastfeeding-- not this stupid trush. But I have been beaten. :(

It hurts. It hurts so badly. My boobs are still huge, and I don't know how long they are going to stay that way. They are less engorged than they were a few days ago, but they are still rock hard. The sides of them are super painful, and feel like one insanely huge lump. I am so nervous that I am going to get mastitis... I can't even tell you how many times a day that thought crosses my mind. Sigh.

I just want this to be over. I'm already angry about not being able to decide when we're done. I'm also angry that my breastfeeding experience ended so painfully. I just want to cuddle up with my son and snuggle him close to my chest-- but I can't. It's too painful for me to do that. :( Hopefully soon this will be over.

Here's what I've done so far:
TONS of cabbage leaves in my bra.
sage tea
Expressing less than an ounce to get through the really painful engorgement. Once I pumped 2 oz from one breast and 1oz from the other, and with just that tiny amount, that horrible, glass ripping through my nipples, sharp, shooting, agonizing pain came back and lasted for 2 solid hours. I was in tears. It was awful. Now I just hand express a bit if I need to. I still have these huge lumps though, so I don't know what I'm going to do about that.

The only good thing out of this is that Miles seems to be tolerating the formula well. I was worried since he's been milk protein intolerant since he was born. We did make sure he didn't have a reaction to milk (via yogurt) before we tried a milk-based formula on him, and he didn't. We ended up going with the Similac Sensitive target brand one. He is doing well on it--seedy poops and everything. I did forget how much formula smells. Eck. I also forgot how obnoxious it is to get up and make a bottle first thing in the morning instead of just being able to whip out the boob. I miss nursing him. :(

Friday, January 3, 2014

Stupid thrush.

Thrush has robbed me once again. Robbed me of the choice of when to wean my son from breast feeding. Just like with Norah, the pain is so bad, I can't physically do it anymore. Every time I nurse or pump, I get sharp, stabbing, shooting pains radiating from the back of
Each breast, up through the nipple. It feels like glass coming out of my nipples. It's so much worse than labor pains. The worst part is that this horrific pain last for a minimum of two hours. Two hours. It's misery.

So, two nights ago, after I nursed Miles for the evening, and it happened again, I told Daniel that I just couldn't do it anymore. I have been treating thrush for the last week: diflucan and gentian violet with no relief. It just hurts so much, and it was making me dread nursing or pumping-- I was getting very anxious each time I knew it was coming up.

Now I'm in the process of drying up. :( I can't gradually do it because of the insane pain that I feel after pumping or nursing. So I've had to go cold turkey. It's awful.

My boobs are the size of Texas. They are so so so sore, like one huge bruise. I've been doing cabbage leaves, sudafed, and Motrin. I can't hold my son to my chest because of how painful it is. :(

Pray for me. I need it.